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How to Be a Better Person: 15 Methods for Self-Improvement
Learning how to be a better person may feel like a vague concept, but there are actually plenty of things you can do to be a better you. You may even learn how to be happier in the process by boosting your self-esteem and improving relationships with others.
“Striving for self-improvement can help increase someone’s self-confidence and sense of accomplishment,” explains Sari Chait, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist based in MA. “These improvements in turn can lead to strong interpersonal connections, improvements at work, an increase in health behaviors, and an overall improvement in mood and mental health.”
But Chait notes that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to becoming a better person, and suggests first determining the qualities you feel you’d like to embody by reflecting on your values as well as the areas in your life in which positive changes can be made.
Jor-El Caraballo, licensed therapist, author, and co-founder of Viva, agrees. “When I think of a ‘good person,’ I think of someone who could be seen as virtuous,” he explains. “This can vary by culture, but generally we think of someone as a good person if they are thoughtful, kind or compassionate, collaborative, patient, and giving.”
Efforts to become a better person can be easy to incorporate into your daily routine. Try a few of these expert-recommended methods and see which ones make you feel like the best version of yourself.
1. Identify your values
“Ultimately, what helps make someone a better person is if they feel they are living in alignment with their values,” Chait explains. While we all likely have varying ideas about what being a “good person” means, we can become better people by figuring out what that means for us—and then emulating those qualities in our everyday lives.
2. Practice self-reflection
Once you’ve identified your values, Caraballo suggests doing some deep self-reflection to truly reach your full potential. “We can’t be a better version of ourselves without understanding the gap between who we are right now and where we want to be. In order to do that we need consistent, rigorous self-examination,” he explains.
3. Try journaling
One way to self-reflect is by starting a journaling routine using mindful prompts or by using self-help workbooks like The Shadow Work Workbook. Engaging with mindful journaling can aid in “getting to know yourself more intimately” and figuring out your best path for self-improvement, Caraballo explains.
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4. Change your perspective
“Self-improvement is not just about relationships or self-confidence, it is also about developing maturity, finding happiness, and building resilience,” explains Vagdevi Meunier, Psy.D., licensed clinical psychologist, master trainer for the Gottman Institute, and founder of The Center for Relationships. “Life can be hard and unpredictable for a lot of people.” However, Meunier says that cultivating joy and keeping a positive outlook despite your circumstances is a powerful tool on the path to self-improvement.
5. Work on accountability
While being a “good person” is relative, “A common characteristic associated with being a good person is being able to hold oneself accountable and remain humble,” Chait says. To work on being more accountable, you must be aware of your actions and be able to acknowledge when you have done something wrong—regardless of intention—and be apologetic.
6. Practice forgiveness
Along with staying accountable, being able to accept another’s apology for a wrong done to you can be a powerful tool toward self-improvement. By practicing forgiveness we humble ourselves to others and gain our own peace of mind that allows us to move forward in the world with kindness.
7. Try new things
“As a therapist, I find that stepping outside of your comfort zone and trying new things can help provide new information and insight,” Caraballo says. These new experiences help you learn more about yourself— including your joys, fears, and anxieties. “Taking the next step to self-reflect and identify areas of growth from there can help you chart a new path of self-development,” Caraballo suggests a solo trip, an adventure course, or a meet-up group based on an interest you may have as a starting point.
8. Keep learning
Similarly, educating yourself is a powerful tool to become a more well-rounded person. Constant learning helps you gain unique perspectives that will allow you to understand others better and be more compassionate. Try picking up a few books from the library, listening to an array of podcasts, or simply just being more curious about the people and things around you.
9. Prioritize your loved ones
Focusing on your family, friends, and loved ones can help you not just in your interpersonal relationships and the way others see you, but in your own happiness overall. Meunier references a 75-year Harvard study that showed that the subjects who lived the longest happiest lives had good quality close relationships. By investing in these relationships, we “learn how to communicate, show love, compassion, empathy, and sincere gratitude,” Meunier explains. “[The participants] practiced appreciation over apprehension and gratitude over grumpiness.”
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10. Improve communication
Try working on active listening and communication, Chait recommends. These are skills that require practice, but help contribute overall to a sense of being a “good person.” By honing these skills you’ll be able to support the people around you, and be regarded as a genuine person who cares about those around them.
11. Be empathetic
“Striving to be a kind, empathetic person who is able to listen and receive feedback will likely lead to feeling more in line with one’s own definition of a good person,” Chait says. Active listening and communication will aid you in the ability to understand and relate to others’ feelings and circumstances.
12. Stay kind to yourself
Compassion for yourself is a key strategy to promote “happiness, peace of mind, and resilience,” Meunier explains. By shifting your overall mindset to one of self-love, you can extend that attitude to others.
13. Give back
“Volunteering has been shown to have many positive impacts, including improvement in mood,” Chait says. “Giving back to the community, helping others, or providing a service help people feel like a good person and be perceived as one.” Chait suggests setting a goal of researching a few volunteer opportunities around you throughout the week and then committing to following up the following week to seek out ways to extend their time.
14. Manage stress
Stress tends to seep into every corner of our lives if we let it. But by practicing stress management we can focus on being happy and living in accordance with our values, Meunier says. Some ways to manage stress are through self-care practices, mindfulness, and taking time away from work or other stressors if needed.
15. Seek therapy
Sometimes, speaking to a professional can be the best way to find support and clarify your path toward happiness and self-improvement. Visiting with a therapist, personal coach, or someone qualified to give spiritual advice can “help arm you with the tools you need to reach your personal development goals,” Caraballo says.
It may be helpful to seek the help of a therapist specializing in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), as those professionals can help people identify their values, which areas they want to focus on more, and how to achieve those changes, Chait adds.
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